I honestly think this will be my last post on this thing. It has obivously died out and I don't really use it. I haven't been on it for weeks.

For some reason though, today it struck me. I needed to get this out. I don't know why, but I figured writing it in here was as good a place as any.

I am literally on the verge of turning 18. I'm looking back on these past 18 years of my life and I'm ecstatic. I'm also sad. I'm scared and I'm angry.

I'm ecstatic because I love where life has taken me. I have experienced so much and for that, I couldn't be more greatful. I have an amazing group of friends in Florida, but I also have my lifers in Ohio. My "ride or die bitches" if you will. I have people in my life that I know would do anything for me. I would do anything for them. I have an amazing family, even if we don't get along most of the time. My sisters are easily the three most important people in my life. If anyone fucks with one of them...we all get behind her and attack the bastard that hurts her. It's an amazing bond, I can't even describe it. My life has been full of major twists and turns. I've imagined this before..my 18th birthday...but I NEVER imagined this. I didn't think I would be living in Florida..let alone all of the stuff that goes along with that! I figured I would be at Alter, celebrating with all of my close friends, Rob, etc. How different life is. This has taught me so much. The move especially, as stupid as that sounds. I don't want to waste time anymore, because we only have so much. I mean who knows? One day you could wake up and your parents could say you're moving again. It would be pretty intense, and all you'd think about was the good times you've wasted. I don't want to waste. I truly live my life fully each day. You're only going to be young and cute and stupid once. Take advantage of it, make lots of mistakes. We're allowed to! We're not supposed to be old and mature yet. Have as much fun as possible before life kicks in and takes over.

As happy as all of that makes me, I'm still sad. I'm sad that there have been times where I wasn't a good person. I've talked shit about people who thought they were my friends. I feel less than human whenever I think about that. If I have ever talked shit about you behind your back..here and now..I'm apologizing. I truly am sorry if I've ever hurt you. I'm also sad because while I love my life in Florida, I miss Ohio incredibly. It makes me sad to think people might forget about me. I hate being forgotten. I'm sad because I feel like life has gone by too fast. I want to embrace each day and live FOREVER.

I'm scared because my life is moving sooo fast and I'm scared I'm going to make the wrong decision. Right now, I'm big on following a gut instinct. My guts are telling me a lot these days..and for some reason, I'm trusting them more than anything else. I'm petrified I'm going to  choose the wrong college. I'm scared that I'm going to leave my family soon and go off to college. I'm scared of being forgotten. I'm scared that I haven't made a big change in the world yet. I want to leave my mark..make an impact. If I've impacted you in any way, please..let me know. I love when I help people or leave a memory. It's beyond words for me. I'm also scared of starting a new relationship. I'm scared of being alone, beacuse for the first time in three years...I am.

I'm angry because I've been hurt. I'm angry because I feel like life has moved too fast. I'm angry because other people I love have been hurt. I'm angry because I've made bad decisions. I'm angry because I don't want life to pass me by.

I guess right now...I'm the happiest I have been in a while. Everything seems to be falling into place for me. I'm about to have a birthday and I think this year will prove to be one of the best ever...

I'm excited. I'm young..I'm cute..I'm stupid..I want to love and learn and make bad decisions.

I'm never regretting anything. Of everything I have done in my life, good, bad, boring, exciting, whateverrrr, I'm not regretful. Everything I have done has led me to where I am right now. And I love it. I'm not perfect and I've never claimed to be. Right now, I'm all over the place. I'm everywhere  and in between.

One day, I will make something of myself. I am so thrilled. Life...is amazing.

I am in fucking love with Rollins College.

Too bad my parents aren't so in love with the 40k price tag.

Ohhhh God though, it's so BEAUTIFUL!

It's right there on Lake Virgina....I LOVEEEEE IT!

Glorious!

i fucking love ministry and spirituality class.

i know why i moved now.

open prayer = blessing and a curse.

<3 friends who hold me when i need to be held <3

I think it's a new trend in my life that the month of June will always be amazing.

This June I will....

be graduated from high school and traveling around Europe with some pretty kickass girls. We're going to go to England, France, Italy, Switzerland, and Greece!!!

Plus Disney Princess' On Ice this weekend!!!!! (even tho it's not June...it still rules)

WHAT A CRAZY WEEK!

So on Monday, crew started up and we have a crazy new head coach who was a coxn so that will be really good. I'm excited. At school we had a mass and the new bishop for our diocese came and he was supposed to give us the day off school because it's tradition in our area or something, but whatevs, I guess he didn't like us because he didn't do it.

Tuesday is what us Mooney kids refer to as "The Great Mercury Spill of 2006" basically...this guy who is a total bamf brought some mercury to school because he didn't realize it has the potential to kill people/drive them to psychosis. I'm not  even kidding.

Basically it was SWEET and we had 3 days off of school. Granted, those of us who came in contact with it did have to be quarantined for like 5 hours in the chapel, but we got a free lunch and then got to go home. It basically ruled.

Oh and Mooney was all over the news. Like all over Sarasota/Btown/Venice news...but we made the ticker thing on CNN and we were in USA Today. We got more attention than the girl who died in Lakeland at school that day. Kinda sad, but kinda sweet too.

As if that couldn't make my week, on Friday when we finally went back to school, we basically did nothing in any of our classes because a lot of people's stuff had to get destroyed from mercury exposure.

Then I saw Snakes on a Plane. AND MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!! that movie rules. I'm not even kidding. Samuel L. Jackson is the biggest bad ass ever. I'm not even kidding. I thought the movie was going to be really gay but I'm not kidding...it was the sweetest thing I've ever seen in my life. It has something for EVERYONE!! Go see it right now if you haven't. And if you have, go see it again.

Then today I laughed more than I have in a while. I hung out with Liz and Gina and we just sat around eating and watching movies and looking at old yearbooks.

<life3